Dialogue
Michael Brostoski, MS3 ,University of Health Sciences College of Osteopathic Medicine

"I just feel all scrambled in my head. I don't know which way to go…" At 3:27, Dave was saying nearly the same thing he had said 25 minutes into the last appointment two weeks ago. Julie and Dave had been coming to see Diane, a doctoral intern at the university counseling center, every other Friday for 4 ½ months, and the dialogue in this week's session was following a very similar pattern to that it had two weeks ago, which in turn had been nearly a duplicate of the session before that. ("Geez, even our counseling sessions are in a rut," he thought as Dave read the very subtle look of exasperated disengagement on Diane's face and identified the pattern, too.)

After a few seconds of silence, Diane drew an audible breath, "You both seem to be saying the same things to each other that you have before. It is apparent that you communicate very openly with each other, and I know the three of us have agreed that this is a great thing about your relationship. In any relationship that lasts as long as yours has, people sometimes get in habits of making the same statements to each other repeatedly - essentially having the same conversation over and over." She paused, and then continued, "I think you will gain a lot of ground by consciously working to do and say new things with each other."

The pause after this was much longer. Julie took a breath, as if to speak, but held it a second then audibly blew it out. What Diane said made sense to Julie and Dave, both, and they looked at each other and acknowledged that. After almost 30 seconds more without any dialogue, Diane spoke again, "Thoughts?"

This time Julie did speak, "I guess…, I see what you mean." Turning to Dave, "Sometimes I don't know what else to do when we are together - I want to make the most of the time we have together because between graduate school and work we have been seeing each other only a few times a week - so I try to have these 'meaningful' conversations, about what I think of this or that or what the news said or about my mom or about our relationship. …But if I really think about it, I am just saying the same things in slightly different ways most of the time. I eh--… Well, I guess that really doesn't contribute much, really, if I am just talking to talk when we are together."

More quiet.

Diane picked up on the hanging note in Julie's voice, and prompted "I am curious, what did you start to say?"

Julie hesitated only a second before continuing, with resolution in her voice, "I do have something that has come to mind over the last few weeks, several times, and this seems like a good time to just say it, since it's been on my mind and all." (Some of the resolution had fallen out of her tone, but she continued), "I- I would like to have a date with you in which we don't talk, I mean like go out to eat and maybe for a walk somewhere, even to a movie, and not use words but concentrate on other ways of communicating,… and maybe, well I was thinking, in this plan in my head, about how much it would excite me to get my hands on you in the privacy of our own bedroom." She grinned a little sheepishly and shifted her gaze downward "after not being able to say any words to you for a whole evening out in public, I think it would feel especially good to share some time alone with you." Dave was grinning, comfortably, when Julie looked up from her lap and sighed.

Dave responded gently, "I like that idea, let's not just talk about it but let's plan to make that our date tomorrow night. Maybe we could even go to that silent film you told me you want to see showing this weekend at the Bricklane." The rest of the appointment progressed steadily, and as the clock approached 3:50 Diane wrapped up, restating several of the things that the couple had said during the previous hour and verifying several of the goals they had set for the next appointment. "Development, trying new things, can be uncomfortable. You two really seem to do well together, and I encourage you to embrace the change that is inherent especially in this stage of your lives, as individuals and as a couple. You are doing well. (Keep it up!) And enjoy your date tomorrow night; the idea is a good one and you are doing a good thing for yourselves just trying the new idea. I'll see you on the 18th, at three."

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