Mar 2004
No. 10
Ironman Wisconsin 2003
by Heather Logghe
Pre-Medicine, New York
I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!!
(I finished the Ironman Triathlon!)
First, I want to thank all of you. I am truly blessed with the most amazing friends in the world! You believed in me - even when I was not so sure of myself.
While completing the Ironman is a tremendous triumph, it still doesn't come close to being the accomplishment of which I am most proud: my rape recovery. No race will ever eclipse my marathon journey from victim to survivor to victor. I have united "The Woman Who Wasn't Raped" with "The Woman Who Was" to create the strong, confident woman I am today. That feat is truly special. For me, swimming 2.4 miles, biking 112 miles and running 26.2 miles was a reward - a celebration of survival. It was my chance to say, "I did it!" and hear the approving roar of the crowd.
During the past seven years - as I went through the process of recovering from rape - there were no cheers. There wasn't enthusiastic encouragement during my triumphs and victories along the way. There wasn't a crowd to support me the day I faced my perpetrator in court. No one was shouting, "You can do it! You look strong! Keep going. You're almost there!" There was no applause the day I stopped having panic attacks in class or the day I first told my story to a room full of strangers.
Throughout my rape recovery, each victory was a private experience that I celebrated with a feeling of satisfaction, encouraging words from friends … and maybe a new tube of lip gloss. I decided to do the Ironman because I wanted to hear those words of encouragement shouted out loud.
I often felt frustrated and alone when struggling with the consequences of sexual violence and the silence engulfing rape recovery only intensified my discomfort. Sure, society feels relatively safe discussing recovery from alcoholism, drug addiction and gambling - especially when it involves celebrities- but as a whole, the public is extremely uncomfortable discussing recovery from sexual abuse. This is so tragic because rape often affects every aspect of a survivor's life; it's there every minute of every day. Too many victims suffer in silence.
I never heard anyone talking about rape recovery during my journey, so I often wondered if "recovery" was even possible. More than anything, I wanted to hear that survivors can and do reclaim their lives and become themselves again. I competed in the Ironman to publicly declare, "I did it! I survived," and, especially, "not only did I survive, I'm flourishing!"
Knowing I had survived, recovered from, and triumphed over sexual abuse, there was never any doubt that I would finish the Ironman. I had already persevered through the most difficult, painful and challenging eight years of my life. There was no way one day - one race - could be too hard. I will never forget the day I told my triathlon professor I had registered for the Ironman. He tried to choke down his alarm, but given that I had never before competed in a triathlon, he could not mask his concern. He warned me that I must be prepared to suffer. I laughed. He had no idea. I had already endured more suffering than I ever imagined possible. Having 17 hours to cover 140.7 miles paled in comparison. It was easy. And I smiled the whole day! It was absolutely amazing; a breathtaking celebration! The crowd often expressed its amazement at my smile. I wasn't surprised. After all, I am amazing.Please send comments to heatherlogghe@hotmail.com.