Feb 2004
No. 9
Healing Pagers
by Marnie Burkman, MD
Dept of Psychiatry at Good Samaritan Medical Center in Phoenix, AZ
pager tone, day one
twinkle twinkle little star
ha ha cute
nice
a happy reminder to breathe, lighten up, when on-call
pager tone, two months later
damn twinkle twinkle little star
visions of throwing small black object across room
smashing small black object against wall
my angry lullaby at 3 a.m.
conditioned to jump
conditioned to fear
conditioned to resent
laying wondering
it's busy
damn
it's calm
what's next?
what if
what if
what if
interlude
what if...it's the calm before the calm?
what if...I will know or feel what to do with what I'm presented?
what if...busyness erupts....but there is profundity in the busyness...not in learning my career, but in learning God, learning to hone my attention to What Lives Me always?
what if...my mistake I might make is in alignment with my soul's path and with the other soul's path, I just don't understand it now?
what if...I am okay...no matter what happens, I am okay?
what if...angels are present, somehow, someway?
what if...this too shall pass?
what if....I will see later with awestruck clarity why this hoop, this fire, this trial, was needed, and say...thank you?
what is this teaching me?
open me up to that