Health Hint: Healing Through Forgiveness

To err is human; to forgive, divine.
-Alexander Pope

The Nature of Forgiveness

  • Frederic Luskin, a Stanford researcher who studies the effects of forgiveness, defines it as "…the moment to moment experience of peace and understanding that occurs when an injured party's suffering is reduced by the process of transforming a grievance they have held against an offending party."
  • Forgiveness is not forgetting. In fact, one must acknowledge negative emotions and events before forgiveness can occur.
  • Forgiveness is not pardoning, excusing, or stating that an offense will be treated as acceptable behavior in the future.
  • Forgiveness is, first and foremost, an internal process. It is primarily for you.
  • The term pseudo-forgiveness has been used to describe forgiveness that occurs with ulterior motives, such as wanting to aggravate or prove the offender's wrongdoings. This approach is not likely to have healing benefits.
  • Forgiveness is a path to freedom. It frees one from the control of the 'offender.'
  • Forgiveness can break patterns that would otherwise interfere with future relationships.
  • Forgiveness can take time and hard work.
  • Forgiveness need not require reconciliation.

1. Think of a person who has wronged you and who you have not been able or willing to forgive.

2. Describe the experience or experiences in which this "offender" caused you to be harmed or unjustly treated.

3. Describe the emotions you feel as you consider these events. Are you feeling anger? Shame? Guilt? Are you obsessed with what happened? Take as much time as you need to acknowledge these feelings and put them into words.

4. How has being unable to forgive affected you? Have the emotions you have felt affected your health? Have they altered your relationships with others? Your worldview? What sorts of defense mechanisms have you created? Do these limit you in any way?

5. What benefits might forgiving have for you? As you list them, consider the box below.

Health Benefits of Forgiveness

A 2001 study revealed a correlation between reviewing hurtful memories and measures of the stress response (EMG, heart rate, blood pressure). When subjects were encouraged to think forgiving thoughts, the stress response was diminished. Similar findings were seen in an October 2003 study of 108 college students.

While more research is needed to formally evaluate the health benefits of forgiveness, a number of small studies have shown a number of potential health benefits conferred by forgiveness:

  • Decreased anger and negative thoughts
  • Decreased anxiety
  • Decreased depression and grief
  • Decreased vulnerability to substance use

6. Are you ready and willing to forgive? When you feel that forgiveness might be a real possibility, continue with the steps described below. Commitment to forgiveness is often the most difficult step!

(Note: The following guidelines/suggestions are inspired by the works listed in the "Further Reading" section at the end of this page. Steps may most easily occur in any order other than as listed below.)

7. Consider a situation in which another person had to forgive you for something. How did you feel. Recognize that everyone is involved in both forgiving and being forgiven. As you put yourself in the position of the offender, are you able to more fully understand (not justify) his or her behaviors?

8. Offer support to others who are in a similar situation. Helping others who have been suffering may help you to understand and move through your own painful experiences. You might consider performing an act of kindness toward the offender, but any action to honor your decision to forgive is useful. Do what feels right to you.

9. Replay the situation in which your were injured mentally. What can you learn from it about yourself. Re-define your relationship with the offender. Sever any unproductive connections.

10. Release the emotions that your injury has caused. Express those emotions and resolve to move through them, so that they will no longer cause you to expend energy on them. Ask for support from friends or family members as you do this.

11. As you are able to forgive, explore the meaning of your experiences. How will this alter your future behavior and your perspectives? Are there other injuries you need to forgive? Re-affirm and re-assess what you feel is your purpose in life, in light of these experiences.

12. For additional insight and assistance, you may consider discussing these issues with a health professional (counselor, psychologist, physician) and/or referring to the books mentioned below.

Further Reading:
Studies: